Footsteps

   I have had the privilege of being in London, England these last few days to hear my mom, Holly Wagner, speak at a conference called Colour. I may be a tad biased, but she was FLIPPING AMAZING! I have watched my mom speak at countless churches and conferences and I am always blown away by how well she brings the Word of God to life for people. My mom has the ability to relate to everyone, no matter their age or gender. She can make everyone laugh and she can express the love of the Father in a way that everyone can understand. Basically, she is AMAZING!

                                                         (Holly Wagner/ Colour London 2016)

   Growing up in the church has been an amazing experience and I can honestly say that I have learned a lot..from things TO DO and thing NOT TO DO. There have been moments when I have questioned my faith and moments when I have been more in love with Jesus than ever before. While growing up in the church and being the daughter of the pastor, people would always ask me..

"Are you going to grow up and follow in your mom's footsteps?" 

   My mom is awesome. She is the founder of an organization called She Rises (GodChicks), that helps women understand their worth and value. My mother has helped millions of women around the world realize just how precious they are. So following in her footsteps would be an honor. As a child when asked the question if I would be like my mom I would either say something like...

"Yes!" or "I guess we will see!" 

   I mean, what was I supposed to say? For me that was always a weird question. I didn't know, as a child, the plans that God had for me, heck, I still don't know everything He has planned for me, I just knew that it would be GOOD! 

   Now, as I am 24 years old, I have learned something very valuable. I now have the answer to that question. If someone were to ask me now..."Are you going to follow in your mother's footsteps?" My answer would be this...

No. My mom is an amazing human being, someone that I look up to and want to model my life after. But God did not create me to follow in HER footsteps, but instead, create footsteps of my own. I will follow my mother's example in how she listens to God's voice and loves people, then I will take that and go walk my own path that God has created for me.

   We have all been born with a specific destiny and purpose that is not like anyone else's on the planet! How amazing is that! We were designed by the Creator of the Universe for a unique purpose of our own that only we can do. So it is our job, to not follow in the footsteps of someone else. Instead, learn from great wisdom and leave our own mark on the planet. It is our job to listen to God's voice and go the path that He has directed for us individually. 

   I have followed my mother's example and I have built an organization of my own called City of Lights International. We do a lot of work in Uganda and our goal is to work all over Africa and all over the world taking care of vulnerable children, their families and communities. I would not have been able to do that without following the passionate example that my mom lives. So I learned from her, but did not copy her. She is living her purpose beautifully, I don't need to do what SHE is doing, I need to do what God has called ME to do. 

   My prayer for my future children is that they follow God with all their heart and they listen to His voice. I pray that they love God and love people and that they fight against injustice. I want to be an example for my children. I want to live a life that my kids can learn from and get wisdom from, not necessarily follow in my footsteps. My dream for my children is that they will create footsteps of their own. My prayer is that I will be the kind of mother that cheers them on in the purpose and destiny that God has created for THEM, the one of a kind, unique purpose that only THEY can fulfill.  

That's what my mother did for me... And I only hope that I can do that for my children one day. If I can be half the mother she is for me, to my children... they will be in great shape :)

    Also, I am off to Uganda tonight! To stay in the loop of all that is happening there, check out my other blog www.pariswagner.blogspot.com "Blue Eyes and Red Dirt". It's going to be a trip you don't wanna miss!

xo

Making Choices

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - J.K Rowling

   At first this quote really ticked me off. I don't want every choice I made to reflect who I am as a person. I read this quote over and over again hoping that I would come to a different conclusion. Then it finally hit me...

   I have made plenty of stupid decisions in my life. Growing up as a pastor's kid, people expected me to have my life together and make great choices ALL THE TIME. And if I'm being honest...that just isn't what happened. I have made horrible choices, choices that I was sure was going to alter my destiny in a negative way, but then after every bad choice, God's grace was waiting for me at the other end. 

   Every choice, of course, had its consequence, but I never felt that God had given up on me, in fact, I felt like my Heavenly Father was proud of me. Proud, not that I made the choice I made, but proud that I realized the error of my ways and turned back to God's plan for my life. 

   The choices that I have made in life (good and bad) are all apart of my story. They make me who I am today. Whether the choices are big ones, like the choice to be a Christian and follow Jesus with my whole heart, or choosing what college to attend, or littler choices, like what sports I will play in high school, all of those choices make up who I am.  

   Looking back on my life, there are certain decisions that I made that I wish I could re-due. When I think about it, I wonder what my life would look like if I had made a different decision. Would I be where I am today had I made a different decision? I may even start to regret the decision, then I remember the girl I shared my story with. This girl was facing the same decision and she asked for my help. Instead of giving advice, I just told her my story so that maybe she could get a glimpse of what would happen if she made the same decision that I made (and it was the wrong one). So instead of regret, I am relieved that I am able to share my mistakes with others so they don't have to make the same mistake that I made. 

   Some of the decisions affected me in negative ways, and by making that decision and facing the hard consequences, I learned what strength really was, and what courage really was. In that moment, it wasn't my decision that defined me, but how I overcame in the end. Now that I made the choice, what did I do with the situation that was in front of me? I learned character and bravery. In my short 23 years of life I have learned some hard life choices, and yes, they do show who I truly am... I am a girl, on a journey to find out all that God wants her to be. Some lessons were learned the hard way, others by example (which is much easier!!!!).

   Our choices become apart of a bigger, more beautiful story that will one day change the world. At least that is the way that I see it.

I Love You!

   I woke up today and smiled. Although today was my last day at City of Lights Baby Home here in Tororo Uganda, I was still smiling at all the amazing things that God has done while I was here. First thing in the morning I went to Smile Africa to see all the children and spend one last day with them. I was able to play with the kids for a little bit, but I also had a lot of last minute things I needed to finish before I left.

   One of the most important things I needed to do was to take pictures of all of my beautiful babies! It is my hope that we will be able to find sponsors for all of these babies in City of Lights Baby Home quickly. This home is going to fill up quickly with many babies that need our help and I want to be able to give them all that they need.

   City of Lights Baby Home has 2 rooms for the babies, 1 room is for the younger babies (newborn-2 years old), the other room is for the older babies (3 years old- 5 years old). The older babies can talk pretty well, but the younger ones are still learning. Today I wanted to teach them all to say "I love you!". By the end of the night all the little babies were running around saying "I love you" to everyone. It was perfect.

   After a lot of work at City of Lights Baby Home and Smile Africa Ministries it was time for dinner. It has kind of become a tradition that we have a big dinner with my children on my last night in Tororo before I leave. So tonight, that is just what we did. We enjoyed dinner together. I love spending time with all of these kids. Pastor Ruth's daughter, Esther, also really loves the company when I bring the children over. It was good family bonding time.

   After dinner we had to take them all back to Smile Africa. I hugged Bogere and told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him for all that he is doing in school, with the babies, and for just being him. I then hugged Caleb and carried him to City of Lights Baby Home. I told Caleb I loved him so much and that I would come see him as soon as possible. As I handed him over to the nannies who work at night, he screamed and cried as he reached for me. It was heart breaking, but I know that he is in good hands and in a beautiful new home. I then hugged Betty and told her that I loved her, I was proud of her, and just how beautiful she is. 

   I walked into the younger babies room and smiled at all these babies running around as they were getting ready to bathe. All of these babies were, at some point, were either abandoned, abused, or forgotten about. Now these babies are so loved and adored! I watched as the nannies were throwing them in the air, telling the babies that they are loved and important. I quietly thanked God for bringing them to City of Lights Baby Home where they are so treasured. As I walked out the door I yelled, "I love you!" And I heard 10 little baby voices say, "I love you!"

"Thank you Jesus for loving us. Thank you for giving us a second chance at life. I pray that you will continue to watch over all the babies! Please keep them safe. I pray that you will bring sponsor to each of these babies and they will be blessed! I love you! Amen."

Baby Cobra

   Since my time here is coming to an end, I tried to get as much done as possible today. First thing in the morning I went to town with Pastor Ruth to pick up things that we needed for the baby home. There are so many little things I did not even think about, so we were trying to get most of the things today. Also, now that we have this beautiful baby home up and running, it needs to be licensed. There are certain things that we need to have in order to be a licensed baby home. So today we did a lot of those things.

   The baby home, because of its size, needs 4 fire extinguishers. So today we purchased very large fire extinguishers and we also needed to have proper poles and wiring for hanging clothes. The ones that we had before were rusting and falling over. So we purchased all of those things. Those were the main things that the health inspector said that we needed. Tomorrow the health inspector will come to City of Lights Baby Home and let us know if there is anything else we need to get, but if we have everything we need…THEN WE CAN GET OUR LICENSE!

   Just as I was getting everything ready to move children in the proper rooms I heard loud screaming. I ran outside to hear what was going on. Right outside the boys dorms there was a baby cobra slithering around the concrete. Some children ran far away and other ran close to it. I was telling all the kids to back away from the VERY POISONOUS snake! Finally our security guard came running over to handle the situation. He quickly killed the snake and I was relieved. There are too many babies running around this grass to have cobras around. 

   Finally a gentleman came to install the fire extinguishers! I was so excited! We are now one step closer to getting licensed!

   After we got all of that stuff done, I still had one piece of unfinished business to attend to. It is custom here to give a gift to the man who built your home. I needed and wanted to give a gift to the engineer of City of Lights Baby Home. The home is absolutely beautiful and this man did a great job. We have purchased a very fat goat for this man to take home to his family. That wasn't exactly the gift I had in mind, but here, that is a VERY amazing gift. So I grabbed the goat and handed it over to the man who worked so hard for all the babies that would grow up in City of Lights Baby Home. 

   I can definitely say this was a new experience for me. But I am so glad that I could bless this man. I am beyond grateful for all the work that he has done for City of Lights Baby Home. 

"Thank you Jesus for an amazing, productive day. Thank you for keeping my children safe from the cobra. I pray that you continue to watch over my babies as they are running and playing in the grass. I pray that you bless this man that worked so hard on City of Lights Baby Home. Thank you for loving us and keeping us all safe. I love you! Amen"

Practically Perfect

   Today I promised Bogere, Betty and Caleb that I would take them to play with some old friends of ours, Jesse and Rachelle and their 3 kids. They are Americans living in Tororo doing missions work. I got to know them very well in 2012 while I was living in Tororo. Betty has been asking me for days if we could go play with Rachelle's kids. After the long day we had yesterday, I thought today would be a perfect day. First thing in the morning, while the kids were at school, I went to visit with Rachelle myself. We were talking and catching up on all life events. It was good to visit with her again.

   I then walked to Smile Africa to pick up Bogere, Betty, and Caleb. We all went back to Rachelle's house to play with the kids. As the kids were playing, I was keeping Rachelle company as she packed. This family is leaving to go back to America for a 8 months or so, so there was a lot of packing to be done. Every now and then I would go and check on the children and they all were getting along great! Legos seemed to be the game of choice today.

   It was so great to have a day where all the kids could play together. Bogere seemed sad yesterday after all the drama with his aunt, so I was happy to take him here and see that big smile on his face as he played with his friends. We stayed for a couple hours and then it was time to go back to Smile Africa so these kids could have dinner. Once I dropped them all off at Smile Africa, I went straight to Pastor Ruth's house to have dinner and discuss things about the baby home. 

   Once I arrived at Ruth's house, it only took us about 2 minutes to start brain storming about how we were planning to make this home practically perfect. Our conversation went on for several hours. We discussed different ideas of how to best help all the babies that will be calling City of Lights, Home. It was a very successful time brain storming and I feel like we got a lot accomplished. 

"Thank you Jesus for allowing Pastor Ruth and I to work together as a team! Thank you for all that you are doing in the lives of these children. I pray that You will continue to protect them as they grow up. I love you! Amen"

An Act of Manipulation

   I woke up dreading the day I was going to have. Today was the day that we went to see Bogere's Aunt's home in Mblae. I did not want to go see this woman, I did not want leave my children with her, and I did not want to just give in to her ridiculous demands. I went to Smile Africa first thing in the morning to get Bogere, his sister Gloria, and their baby brother Philip ready for the journey ahead of us. I quickly bathed them all and dressed them in comfortable clothes. I was rushing to pick everything up so I really did have time to be sad, or really think about what was going on. As soon as the van arrived, the children and I got inside and drove to pick up Pastor Ruth. Ruth wanted to also take Esther with us, so we all got ready and we left for Mbale. 

   As we began our long journey to Mbale the children just played in the van. They were laughing and playing games with each other, all except Bogere. Bogere just sat quietly next to me. He is old enough to know what is going on and I think he was a little scared as to why we were driving to see his aunt. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure why were doing this either. I knew that she was just trying manipulate us and use us. This aunt does not actually love these children. I know it for a fact. 

   All of a sudden it started pouring rain! I have never seen it rain this much. We could barely see out of the windshield and everything was really slippery. Then it started to hail! I held onto the children tightly as the van made its way through gushing streams of water. Ruth was a little scared that we would get stuck, I was scared we might tip over, but thankfully we made it out.

   Finally we arrived safely at Bogere's aunt's home and we all got out of the van hesitantly. We made our way to her home and we all sat down on the couch. I was looking around and I saw 3 bedrooms and a kitchen, so I thought "ok, I guess this isn't THAT BAD." Ruth and her were conversing in the aunt's local language and then all of a sudden Ruth stood up and said, "This is not her home!" And she demanded that we see her real home. We walked around to see Bogere's aunt's home and I was surprised. This lady is the biggest liar I have ever seen. First of all, she wanted us to believe that the nicer home was her own, lie, she also told us that her children have grown and so now she has room for Bogere and his siblings, another lie! This lady has 10 children and the youngest looks to be around 2 years old. Something fishy was going on here. 

   We took Bogere, Gloria and Philip to see the home. I couldn't believe my eyes. This lady was sleeping in a very small room with her husband and her 10 children! And on top of that, she wanted to take 3 more children into her home?! NO WAY! I was angry at her selfishness. 

(Click to Enlarge)

   After we took this picture it started to rain again. Bogere and his siblings rain to the van to wait there for us. I did not want them to be near this lady anyway. Once we stared talking, it was all a bunch of demands from her. She wanted us to build her a home, or pay her rent, or do this or do that, then eventually she told us to take her twins back to City of Lights Baby Home. It was just one demand after another and we had to refuse everything she asked for. Had this lady had a different approach other than manipulation, I would have helped her with her children, even though she tried to put me in jail 2 years ago. However, with these demands of hers, I have to refuse any help. Ruth got very annoyed with her and we took our children and we left. It was obvious that this lady was not acting out of love, but out of greed. 

   It was a very long day of fighting for my children. I needed to protect them and I will do that until the day I die. I love these children more than words can describe and I will do the best I can to not let anything bad happen to them. On the drive home Bogere seemed sad. We talked a little bit and he told me that he did not want to stay with his aunt. I told him not to worry, I would not let that happen. Bogere put his head on my lap and fell asleep the whole way home. I held onto him tightly and prayed for him and his siblings the whole way home.

"Thank you Jesus for your strength! Thank you for giving me a fighter's spirit. I pray that you will continue to protect these children. I am going back home in just 3 days, so please keep them safe while I am away from them. Help them make good decisions and please help the aunt know that what she is doing is wrong. Thank you for your love and your grace and your patience. I love you! Amen."

  

Saying Good-bye

   Today was a good day. Sadly, my dad could only stay in Tororo for 1 day. So today was the day we took him and Alex back to the Tororo airfield. First thing in the morning we went straight to Smile Africa so that my dad could spend some more time with the kids and Pastor Ruth.

   While we were there, my dad and the team wanted to see the slum nearest to Smile Africa. The majority of the children come from this slum. Since I had walked through this slum many times, it was very familiar to me. No matter how many times I walk through it though, it still touches my heart. It is hard to believe that the children that go to Smile Africa, come from such extreme situations. All of these children are worshipping Jesus with all their heart. It reminds me that no matter what situation I might be going through, I can still find joy and I should still be praising my savior.

   As we were walking through the slum different memories began to flood my mind of the different events that had happened here. I walked through the same place where Bogere’s mother had asked me to take him so that he would be safe, I saw the place where we buried Bogere’s mother, I saw the place that used to be a huge trash pit where Bogere once slept. It was a walked through memory lane, hard memories, but also memories of pure redemption, grace, and God’s mercy.

   As we were walking back to Smile Africa, there was one little girl who just stood in the middle of the road. She may have been about a year old and she was one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen.

   Once we arrived back at Smile Africa we really only had enough time to pack up everything and head to Pastor Ruth’s house. Ruth had prepared a farewell lunch for my dad and the team. We all enjoyed the time together and then it was time to say good-bye.

   We all drove to their airfield and said our final good-byes to each other. I would see my dad and the team in just 1 week, but Pastor Ruth and the rest of our Ugandan family will not be seeing them for at least a few months.

   All the kids loved playing on the small airplane while we were packing up the bags. Then finally, it was time to go. Lisa and I said good-bye, Alex said his good-byes to Caleb, my dad and I said good-bye and then the plane was off. Pastor Ruth and I stayed to watch the small plane take off. Now…it’s just me. There is no telling what could happen now! Let the adventures begin! J

“Thank you Jesus for a great day. Thank you allowing my dad and the team to get her safely. Thank you for City of Lights Baby Home. I pray that you will watch over my dad and the team as they travel. I pray that the rest of my time here in Tororo will be very productive for City of Lights Baby Home! I pray that we get a lot accomplished! I love you! Amen.”