To be totally honest I did not know what my first month back in Los Angeles, California was going to look like. I was a little nervous to be going home. I was excited that I was going to be seeing my family and my friends, but I was afraid. I was afraid that I would no longer have anything in common with my closest friends. My first 2 weeks back in Hollywood were pretty good though. It was just a time to readjust and visit with the people that I had missed the most.
After my first 2 weeks back, things went a little down hill. I had become used to waking up every morning to over 400 children relying on me. I woke up everyday with one purpose and one purpose only...to love and care for the orphans that God had put in my path. I had basically become a mother to these babies that I had looked after for so long. There was a sadness that had overtaken me at some points during the day. Often times I could not get Bogere, the little boy I looked after, out of my head. All I wanted to do was hold him. I knew that God had called me there for a season, and then I was supposed to come back to Los Angeles with the same heart and attitude I had obtained while I was in Africa. God never told me it was going to be easy.
There have moments when I would get frustrated at the spoiled, ungrateful, lifestyle that some people live. I would become overwhelmed at the drama that some people chose to get involved in. How do you go from literally dealing with life or death to dealing with petty drama? That was one thing that began to separate me from the people that I love the most. Even in those moments when I began to live in frustration, God was there. God didn't just call me to love the orphans, but EVERYONE. The more God spoke to me, the more my heart softened. Then I realized something...I'm no better than the people who choose to deal with the petty drama. Instead of being bitter or frustrated...I should choose to live differently...BE HAPPY. If I chose to stay in my frustrated state of mind, I would have been no different from the people who live bitter lives.
I am sorry if I have shown anyone any bitterness or frustration, there is no excuse for that. I am going to be honest, I miss my Bogere more than words can describe, but I know I will see him again soon. I saw what I saw and experienced what I experienced so that I could be apart of the positive change that God is doing in MY country. If I would have chosen to not change my attitude then I would have missed all that God was doing in the lives of the people around me. I am choosing to live with a positive attitude. I have seen what God can do with prayer and a little faith. Los Angeles is MY city. I have faith in MY city. Watch out Los Angeles, God is about to move in a might way...get ready!
