Saying Good-bye

   As soon as I woke up, I could not wait to go to Smile Africa and spend my last few hours with my children. As soon as I arrived at Smile, Betty and Bogere both came running over to me to give me big hugs! I loved every second of it. We then walked to get Caleb. When Caleb saw me, he came running over to me and I picked him up and held him tightly. I walked around Smile Africa and said good-bye to all the staff and teachers. They were all so surprised that I was leaving so soon. It was a really short trip, but I am grateful for any amount of time that I am able to spend with these kids.

 
   Since it was our last day, I decided that I would take Betty, Bogere, and Caleb to go get ice cream. As we walked out of Smile Africa, I was carrying Caleb and holding Betty's hand. Bogere stayed close to my side. As we were walking down the road Betty was telling me stories of school and all that she had learned. In the middle of her story, she stopped and said,

"Look! Do you see that man? That is my uncle!"

   I looked to where she was pointing...yes...that's right...Bogere's step father was there. This time, I was not scared, but annoyed. I did not stop walking, instead, I took Bogere's hand and kept walking full speed ahead. I looked at that man with a very intense expression. One that said,

"Come near my children, you die!"

   I was not in the mood to deal with this man at all. It was my last day and I wanted it to be a good one with my kids. I stared that man directly in the eyes as we walked by. I walked by with great confidence. I had so much adrenaline going through my body that had he tried to do something, I'm convinced that I could have knocked him out. Add the fact that he was drunk and I've had professional training...and he would have been toast! Haha! Anyway, we walked by him and he didn't dare touch me or my children, so we continued on to the store. We got the ice cream and headed to Rachelle's house so that I could say good-bye to her and her girls. I was really going to miss them.

   Once everyone had their ice cream, it was time to go back to Smile Africa. It was my last hour with them. Everywhere that I went, they stayed close by my side. We sat in the office together and they drew me pictures. I loved every single one. All 3 of them have grown up so much! I know that the next time that I come, they will be even healthier.

   Finally, it was time to go. I can't even explain to you how hard it is to have to say goo-bye to these children. In just the 3 days that I got to spend with them we got closer. I'm telling you, it's just not natural to have to say good-bye to your children. I hated every second of it, and so did they. I looked at Betty and held my arms out to her. She ran to me and burst into tears. I did the best I could to not cry as well. I stayed strong and held her close to me. I hugged her tight and explained that just like last time, I would come back to her.

"I love you so much Betty! You are such a beautiful, amazing girl and I will come back. I promise."

   Bogere watched as I said good-bye to Betty. I could see that he was trying to not cry or get emotional at all. Once I let go of Betty, Bogere came over to me. I picked him and I held him tight. My heart was breaking, and so was his. I could not believe that I was already saying good-bye to my boy. It broke my heart. I did everything I could to keep myself from crying. I needed to stay strong, for him. I looked at him and said, 

"I am going to come back to you, I promise. I am so proud of you Bogere! You are such a good boy and I love you so much!" 

He said, "I love you so much." Then he put his head on my shoulder and gripped onto me as tight as he could. 

   This was by far the hardest part of my trip. I hate doing this! I never want to say good-bye to these children...ever. I told them both that I would be back, and it's true! I said that the last time and I came back. So I know that they trust me. After I said good-bye to both of them, I went and gave Caleb one last hug. As the teacher took him from me, he scream and cried. It was so hard to see all 3 of my children so upset. 

   As the van drove away, I looked out the window and saw them one more time. I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer for them. Then I could no longer see them. It was going to be hard for everyone for the next couple days, but I know that they will be just fine. I can't wait to see them again soon. 

"Thank you Jesus for giving me this opportunity to come to Tororo, Uganda and spend time with these children. I have loved every second with them and I am so grateful for the time that we had together. I pray that you continue to keep them safe and healthy. Please protect them from any danger. We love you. Amen."

 

A Generous Heart

   It was a very long, but wonderful day! I walked to Smile Africa in the in the hot African sun…and I have a nice burn to prove it! It was a really nice, peaceful walk. I walked straight to Smile Africa so that I could spend as much time with my kids as possible. As soon as I arrived, Betty ran and jumped into my arms. I really missed those greetings in the morning. Soon after, Bogere also came at running at me and leaped into my arms, knowing that I would catch him. The 3 of us then walked in to the clinic to say hello to all the staff that I had not seen yet. The second I walked in the room, everyone screamed! We all hugged and laughed and had a nice time catching up with one another. I really missed all of these people.

   I then walked into the baby room to say hello to Caleb. The second I walked in the room he laughed and smiled and came running over to me. That was usually how I started my day… a running hug from Caleb. It was so great to have him back in my arms again. Once I spent some time with Caleb, I walked around Smile Africa and said hello to the other 400 children that I was used to seeing on a daily basis. Most of them remembered my name and ran to give me a hug. I felt so blessed to have all the kids remembering who I was.

   My dad was coming to Tororo, so Pastor Ruth went to pick him up from the near by airfield and I remained at Smile Africa. Finally my dad arrived. It was a special day for the near by slum. Our church had raised money to build portable toilets for the slum near Smile Africa. This was a huge deal because sanitation is a serious issue. There is a lot of disease in this slum because of the lack of good toilets. It was a really exciting moment to finally have the toilets up and working for these people. It is really going to help out a lot. It was such a great celebration as the people rejoiced with one another. It was such an honor to experience it.

   As I walked through the slum, I recognized a lot of the people…and they recognized me. I had spent a lot of time with them, talking with them and making sure their children got home safely. Most of them knew me because of the situation that happened with Bogere. They were there when Bogere’s mother asked me to take him away in fear of his life, they were there when I tried to offer her a way out, and they were all there when Bogere’s step father beat his mother to death. I guess you can say, I have been through a lot with these people.

   As a church, we also raised money to buy some mattresses for guardians of our children. The majority of the Smile Africa children and their mother sleep on the floor, in the dirt or mud. We raised money so that these children could have a safe place to sleep that would keep them safe, comfortable, and protect them from disease. Pastor Ruth, my dad and I, passed out these mattresses to the women and they were so excited! As we handed out each mattress, their eyes lit up with so much joy. They would finally have a comfortable place to sleep…some of them, for the first time in their life.

   Smile Africa also just rescued a little boy, Clovis. This sweet boy is suffering badly from HIV, malnourishment, abuse, and neglect. He is so tiny, I could feel every single one of this bones. Clovis is about 7 years old, but has the weight of a 1 year old. As I held his little body in my arms, my heart broke. He had a very high fever and needed to be rushed to the hospital. I wanted to stay with him every second. I held him on my lap and prayed for him. I prayed that God would move quickly in this boy’s body, I prayed for miraculous healing. Please pray for Clovis, everyone. Since he has HIV and is very very sick, he needs miraculous healing, or he will die. Please pray.

   This was a very busy day, but a rewarding one. I was so glad to be able to see the people in the slum get new toilets and mattresses. Seeing the joy on their faces was amazing. My heart, though, is still burdened with the suffering of Clovis. I am giving it God and praying with my whole heart.

“Thank you Jesus for all that you do for us. Thank you for loving us and keeping us safe. Thank you for providing a way for the people to have new toilets and mattresses. I pray that they will take good care of them so that they will have them for a long time. Please heal Clovis’ body. Take all the suffering away. Thank you for his healing and bringing him to Smile Africa. We love you. Amen.”

   

Facing Fear

   I woke up in the morning so excited to start my day! I was back to my old routine and I loved it. I was looking forward to my walk to Smile Africa. I thought about all the people that I would see that I made a relationship with the last time I was here. Before I left for Smile Africa, I washed a few of my clothes and hung them outside to dry…just like old times. Then I began my walk.

   During my walk I never once got lost. I remembered everything about this town. It was all so familiar. I waved to a few of the kids as I walked by them and I just kept smiling at all the familiar places and people. As I was walking, I heard my name being shouted from across the road. It was one of the policewoman that I had met while I was here last time. She was standing in front of the police station, the jail, which almost became my home. I stopped and looked at that jail and all the memories began to flood my mind. I thought about walking over to it, but I chose to just keep walking instead. I waved to the policewoman and I continued on. Here is the picture of the jail. (Click to enlarge).

   Once I reached the town, I saw more familiar faces. I just smiled and waved at everyone that I remember as I kept on walking toward Smile Africa. I had the biggest smile on my face as I journeyed through this familiar place. Just then I saw a face that I was hoping to never see again…Bogere’s step father was right down the street from me, directly in front of me. My smile instantly left my face. My eyes met his and no one moved. It was a terrible feeling. Chills shot through my body. This terrible man murdered Bogere’s mother, attempted to kill Bogere, and threatened to kill me…and he was standing 20 feet from me. At this moment I just froze. My heart began to beat and my body filled with anger. We just stared at each other.

   Finally, I took a deep breath, prayed quietly and walked on toward to Smile Africa. I quietly said to myself, 

"God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."

   I chose to face my fear and not let him stop me from doing what God had for me to do! This man was standing in the direction that I needed to go, so I was walking right toward him. My eyes were glued to his as I walked toward him. As I got closer to him, he smiled and waved at me. I was so annoyed and confused by that gesture. I thought,

“You have got to be kidding me! Who do you think you are! Don’t you smile and wave at me! You wanted both Bogere and I dead!”

   I just walked by him and continued in the direction I was going. It was such a strange moment for me. I mean, what are the odds that I would run into him on the 1 day that I would be walking around Tororo. Memories began to flood my mind. I thought about all the things that Bogere and I had been through together with this man. I thought about all the injustice that was happening because of him. I realized that thinking about all the bad things that happened because of this man were not going to solve anything. So I prayed and told God that I forgave him…again. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I have forgiven him.

   Later that day I took Bogere and Betty to play at Jesse and Rachelle Digges’ house. They are my American friends that I had become close with while I was in Tororo the last time. They have 2 little girls who my kids love to play with. It was a great afternoon together. We got to catch up and let the kids play together. It was so much fun to see them and be with them again.

   Although there was a minor set back, it was a great day. I loved every second that I got to spend with Bogere and Betty. It didn’t matter to me what we did, as long as I was with them, I was happy. Bogere and Betty had such a great day too. They laughed and played pretty much the whole day. I didn’t leave them at all. I only have one more day with them, so every second counts.

“Thank you Jesus for allowing us to have such a great day together. Thank you for keeping me safe as I walked through the town. I pray that you will soften my heart towards Bogere’s stepfather. Please continue to keep me and the kids safe. We love you! Amen.”

Back on the Red Dirt

   I am back in Uganda, my home away from home! The second I got off the plane the wonderful aroma of Uganda overtook my body. All kinds of memories began to flood through my mind. I was so excited to be back on the red dirt and I was anxious to see what God was going to use me to do in just the few days that I would be here.

   

   The drive seemed longer than normal because I just could not wait to get back to Tororo and be with my other family. Finally the time came and Pastor Ruth came to pick me up from Kampala and take me to Tororo. As soon as she called me letting me know that she was there, I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. Once I saw her, I ran to her and threw my arms around her neck. I was so happy to be back with my other mommy! We were both so excited and tried to fight back tears of joy as we hugged.

   

   On the 5 hour drive to Tororo I looked out the window and pictured what it would be like to see Bogere again. I wondered how he would react, what he would say, and how attached, or not, he would be to me. The more I thought about it the more excited I became. I could not wait to have that boy back in my arms again. Once we arrived to Tororo everything became so familiar. I recognized everything, even most of the people. I smiled at the people as we drove by heading to Smile Africa.

    

   As we pulled up to Smile Africa my heart was just about to jump out of my chest. I looked out the window and saw Betty standing there. She yelled my name and waved to me, anxiously waiting for the van to stop moving. As soon as the van came to stop, I jumped out and Betty came running to me, yelling.…

“  Paris! Paris! You’re here! You’re finally here!”

   I smiled and picked her up and swung her around. I was so happy to see my sweet Betty. We both smiled at each other as I held her in my arms. Then I heard a sound…a familiar sound…the sound I had been so anxiously waiting for…

“Paris! You really came!”

   I looked and saw Bogere running full speed toward me! I noticed tears on his face as he was flying in my direction. It was near impossible to fight back tears as my sweet boy came running. I ran toward Bogere and met him in the middle.

  I bent down and picked him up as he jumped in my arms. It was everything that I hoped it would be! I could feel his heart beating so fast as I held his body tight to mine. As I held him I said,

“I’m here, I’m here! I told you I would come back! I’ve got you.”

   Bogere held on so tight to me, there was no loosening his grip, but I didn’t mind at all. My sweet boy was finally in my arms, safe again. We were reunited, the moment we had been waiting for. This was such a happy moment for all of us.

   Then we walked toward City of Lights Baby Home. I could not believe my eyes. There it was…my dream…in reality. I was so excited to see this beautiful home! It is going to be such a great place! I was in awe the second I laid eyes on it. This really is a dream come true. I am building a baby orphanage…wow. I walked through the baby home while holding Bogere with one arm and Betty’s hand with other. I walked through each room and could not stop smiling. I looked at Bogere who had his head on my shoulder and I said,

“This is here because of you…so many babies are going to survive, because of you.”

   And it’s true. The reason I came to Tororo in the first place was because of Bogere. Had I not come for Bogere, then I would not have gotten this dream in my heart, this vision for a baby home in Tororo. It’s because of Bogere that this home is being built. When I told him that, his face lit up. It was a moment that I think made Bogere realize just how valuable and precious he is, not just to me, but to God. 

"Jesus, thank you so much for getting me to Tororo safely! Thank you for allowing me to be reunited with my children. I missed them so much! This was such a happy day for all of us. Thank you for keeping them safe while I was away. Thank you for the beautiful baby home! I pray that you will continue to bless it as it is being built. Thank you for all that you do for us! We love you! Amen."

In My Arms Again

   Today I leave for Uganda! Excited does not really cover the emotions that I am feeling right now. When I found out that I was going back to see my kids and the baby home, my heart literally stopped, I could not believe it. All these pictures and visions of seeing my kids again began to flood my mind. I was driving home the other day to start packing and I pictured my little Bogere running into my arms and tears began to flow down my cheeks and chills came over my body. Having that boy back in my arms again was going to be an amazing feeling. I have missed him so much and soon I will be there to love him and protect him once again. 

   

   Although it is really exciting to be going back to the place that was once my home, I am also a little nervous. I am only going to be there for a week...just enough time for both of us to get reattached to one another. This little boy became my son, and I, his mother. It was a very devastating moment for both of us when I had to go back home. Since I am only coming for a short time, it is going to be hard to say good-bye again so quickly. I remember the moment that I had to say good-bye to Bogere after all that we had been through together. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, and now I am going to have to do it again. Here is a picture of the last moment that I had with Bogere, the moment I said good-bye. 

   There are so many emotions going through my heart right now, but one thing is for sure, I am so grateful! I am so grateful that my dad is sending me all the way to Tororo Uganda just so I can see Bogere and see the progress of City of Lights Baby Home. 

   

   When I told Pastor Ruth that I was coming, she was very excited! She told Bogere right away and he was so excited, he was speechless. Apparently he ran all over Smile Africa telling everyone that I was coming back to see him. "My mother is coming back! My mother is coming back!" That melted my heart...I cant wait to have him back in my arms again. 

  I am very anxious to see what God has in store for me this trip. When I was there for 4 months I was able to accomplish a lot, but this time I am only there for a wee. I'm excited about all the things that God has in store for me. Anyway that I can serve, save, and help, God knows that I will. I am praying that God uses me in mighty ways in my short time in Tororo, Uganda. 

"Jesus, thank for this opportunity to go back to Uganda to see the children. Thank You for blessing me so that I could be a blessing. I pray that You would give me Your eyes. Help me see the things that You see, break my heart for the things that break Yours. Give me the courage to step out in faith, go beyond my comfort zone and be Your hands and feet. Help me to never hold back and never lose sight of the one. Oh and one more thing...please help the airline not lose my luggage! Thanks ;).  I love you. Amen."

Awakening

   There was a moment when I was 15 years old that I will never forget. It was a moment that changed my life forever...I just didn't know it then. I went to Uganda for the first time. I walked into a babies home and was instantly struck with a huge love for Ugandan babies. One of the workers in the home placed a small baby girl in my arms. Her name was Hope. Hope was badly malnourished and abused, her mother tried to kill her at birth, so Hope was brought to this babies home. As I heard Hope's story and held her tiny body in my arms, my heart was instantly attached to, not just Hope, but every single orphan baby that calls Uganda home. Here is a picture of when they put little Hope in my arms for the first time...you can see just how sick she is. And my 15 year old self...with braces...NOT CUTE! ;) (click to enlarge)

   I spent a few summers with Hope and watched what God can do with a willing heart and home full of people to love and restore a baby back to health. Here is a picture of Hope and I just last year (6 years later). You can clearly see the benefit of having a healthy environment to grow up in. This shows you what love, Jesus, and a home that cares can do. (Click to enlarge) 

    When I went to Tororo for the first time...the same thing happened. There was a 6 year old girl that was carrying her baby brother on her back. My eyes met hers and we smiled at each other. This young girl walked over to me and placed her baby brother in my arms. I held this tiny little boy and my heart started pounding. He was so small. Clearly malnourished and sick, my fingers could feel his bones. My heart broke. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Not only do I love the Ugandan children, but now it went beyond loving them, to rescuing them. I needed to put an end to this. No baby should have to live this way. My love grew to determination. I was determined to put an end to the abandoned orphan crisis. It was this determination that awakened a dream inside my heart, a dream that I didn't know would come to life just months later. Here is a picture of that moment...the moment the vision began in my heart. (click to enlarge)

   The dream is getting bigger...the babies home is getting bigger! I am so excited to see the growth of the baby home! I remember the moment when I held that little baby boy and then I see the baby home and my heart gets excited! My love grew to determination which grew to action. More babies like the one in the picture above will have a place where they can be loved, treasured, rescued, and restored. My heart's dream is coming to pass, God's plan is happening....how exciting! 

   Here are a couple pictures of City of Lights Baby Home progress. This place is going to be BIG! I am so excited for all the babies that will get a second chance at life. (Click to enlarge) 

   I am in awe of all that God is doing in Tororo, Uganda. The baby that you saw in the picture above, will have a place to call home. Not just him, but so many other babies will be protected in this home. This really is a dream come true and this is the first of many...I just know it. 

"Thank you Jesus for stirring something up inside me. Thank you for breaking my heart for things that break yours. I pray, Jesus, that you will continue to move inside my heart to take action. Give me the strength to never give up even when it gets tough. Please protect your babies and keep them safe while their new home is in the making. I love you! Amen." 

Remember Me

   I'm in Uganda walking down the street. The sun is shinning bright on the red dirt. I walk down to Smile Africa and I'm welcomed by 400 children yelling my name, running up to me to say good morning. Bogere jumps in my arms and I swing him around and around. We are laughing and having a great time. I see all the kids running and playing...my heart is at peace...is this really happening? I hold Bogere's hand as we walk down the red dirt road. Then I wake up to the sound of the school bell across the street, horns honking, and people talking...busy streets. Yep, I'm still in Los Angeles. It was all a dream.

   I remember when I was in Uganda, I told Bogere that I would see him soon. Soon seems so far away, for both of us. Before I left Uganda to go back home Bogere said,

"You wont forget about me right? Promise that you will remember me!"

   Forget him? How is that even possible?! I wish I could explain to my 7 year old boy how he changed my life. One day when he is older, I will tell him our story, and not how I changed his life, but how he changed mine.

   My boy is doing well, I have been told. Apparently he ditched school a few times and got caught. I was sad to hear that. It really made me wish I was there with him. On the bright side, he is doing well in school and he has continued to be nice to the other kids. God continues to work in his heart and I'm so very proud of him. This is Bogere in his school uniform...SO CUTE! (Click on photo to enlarge).

   City of Lights Baby Home continues to grow and I get more and more excited as I see pictures of the building go up. The more that the building comes together, the more my heart dreams of all the babies that will be rescued, loved, and taken care of. (Click on picture to enlarge)

   God is so good. This all never would have happened if God did not put HIS dream in my heart. This dream, this vision, belongs to God, I was just the one who listened. 

   We are still in the process of raising money for City of Lights Baby Home! Please donate at www.smileafrica.org and save someone's life. 

"Thank you Jesus for your unconditional love! Thank you for putting your dream inside my heart. I pray that you continue to watch over Bogere and the rest of the children at Smile Africa. I also pray for favor over the babies home. We love you! Amen."